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Justin Rogers

A childhood friend of mine just passed away today. He had two wonderful siblings, Colleen and Brendan, and two wonderful parents, Mike and Laura. I have known all of them since they were born and our mothers have been friends since they were in high school. He was fifteen years old and was killed in a car wreck on his way home from school. It is such a tragedy; there are no words.

http://www.lohud.com/article/20105060409

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He put his arms around you and lifted you to rest. Heaven must be a beautiful place because he always takes the best. He whispered to you, "Peace Be Thine," and gave you wings to fly. It broke our hearts to lose you, but you did not go alone. For part of us went with you that day God called you home.

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If I've ruined this for always I'll never forgive myself.

EDT.

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Back in Miller Place

I miss you far too much. Is the first night alone always the worst?

nay say for today
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I find the map and draw a straight line
Over rivers, farms, and state lines
The distance from 'A' to where you'd be
It's only finger-lengths that I see
I touch the place where I'd find your face
My finger in creases of distant dark places.

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- begin rant -

It should not be this difficult to meet up with my boyfriend over winter break. I have been attempting to plan a visit that would last approximately six days - that is including two days for travel, so only four whole days. It has been a fight every inch of the way. Different conditions and restrictions that do not appear to have been conjured up by a logical mind. It has become frustrating bending over backwards and slithering through loop holes. In particular, it is frustrating because it is for people whom I feel no obligation to obey and who maintain no authority over my person. Their ways of obtaining my cooperation border on blackmail and threats - making it more difficult to meet up in the future, punishing Matt directly for my disobedience and apathy for their instruction. I am grateful to them (or rather, her, as only one of them directly owns the house and they live together in a situation that quite boggles the mind and perplexes the senses) for opening their home to me; however, again I feel no reason that this should assure my compliance as I am able and willing to pay my own way if they create the need for such action. I know that does not sound very appreciative, but the differences between the way they handle the situation and the way my own parents handle it when the situation is reversed is quite expansive and glaring. My parents attempt to make Matt feel welcome and assure him that he is always welcome in our home (although, this is admittedly because they would rather see him come here then have me traveling to visit him as they think it is unsafe for me; however, I am certain that even if this were not the case they would strive to make him feel welcome). I am made to feel like an intruder and nuisance to be dealt with and evacuated from the house as quickly as possible. To make me feel this way is most likely not their goal, but regardless this is the feeling that comes across.

In my haste to accuse I have, of course, conveniently overlooked the fact that during my last venture to the house (this past summer) they were also kind to me. I was fed and the conversation was often quite enjoyable. Still, several incidents took place that demonstrated there was certainly a feeling of displeasure with my presence.

I do not know what I have done to have such ill feelings harbored about me. If there was something I thought I needed to apologize for, or something that I believed they thought I needed to apologize for (even if I did not believe so myself) I would do so without hesitation. But such a remedy does not seem to exist. Although, I do think there may be something I will have to apologize for by the end of this next trip. As it stands I am traveling up a day earlier then they intend to receive me. To arrive on this day was always a part of my original plan. What happens, will happen and I will have to accept the consequences. But when there is so little time to be had together, I would risk a few dirty looks to have one extra day.

-end rant-

Nay-say for today

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“don't let go too soon, but don't hold on too long.”



[tuesdays with morrie, by mitch albom.]

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April 26, 1995 - November 9, 2008

Put the rubber mouse away
Pick the spools up from the floor
What was velvet-shod, and gay,
Will not want them anymore.

What was warm, is strangely cold.
Whence dissolved the little breath?
How could this small body hold
So immense a thing as Death?




I miss you with, every beat of my broken-heart.

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"Today, my sister told me that her fiancee proposed to her by giving her a ring in a Pokéball instead of a ring box. I've never been more jealous in my life. MLIA"

This is how you know you've found a keeper. =^..^=

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I want to go back in time and talk to my eleven or twelve year old self. I want to let her know that 90 pounds is not alot and a large bustline doesn't matter. I wouldn't let her cry in the shower; trying to escape as quickly as possible because she hates having to look at herself. I want to let her know how she is beautiful, and I want her to keep on knowing and believing in that until she is me. So that I will know it too.



~*nay-say for today



o A woman is often measured by the things she cannot control. She is measured by the way her body curves or doesn't curve, by where she is flat or straight or round. She is measured by 36-24-36 and inches and ages and numbers, by all the outside things that don't ever add up to who she is on the inside. And so if a woman is to be measured, let her be measured by the things she can control; by who she is and who she is trying to become. Because as every woman knows, measurements are only statistics and statistics lie.

o I know just how it feels to think of the right thing to say too late.
-Robert Frost
There isn't anyone I'm looking forward to seeing and I don't have anything to pack. It's miserable. This isn't how I wanted college to be. I need a new sketchbook because this one is falling apart.



nay-say for today

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Breathe through it, write a list of desires
Make a toast, make a wish, slash some tires
Paint a heart repeating, beating "don't give up, don't give up, don't give up."

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Jul. 16th, 2009

"I will show you hell," God said, and they went into a room which had a large pot of stew in the middle. The smell was delicious, but around the pot sat people who were famished and desperate. All were holding spoons with very long handles which reached to the pot, but, because the handles were longer than their arms, it was impossible to get the stew back into their mouths. "Now I will show you heaven," God said, and they went into an identical room. there was a similar pot of stew, the smell was delicious, and the people had identical spoons, but they were well-nourished and happy. "It's simple," God said.

"You see, they have learned to feed one another."

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If you be my star, I'll be your sky.

I hate putting up small depressing messages on facebook that let people know I'm in a miserable mood. It feels like I'm panhandling - except for little comments, not money. And really, why else do people put up messages like that? So that others will come and commment to make them feel better - appreciated and noticed.

Also, I don't think anyone would comment on my litte sad messages.
I don't want to test if they would.
No one comments here anyway.
So I'll put this here,
and disable the comments - just in case.



Nay-say for Today
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But you can skyrocket away from me
and never come back if you find another galaxy
far from here with more room to fly
just leave me your stardust to remember you by.
-Gregory and the Hawk